Reflections…

In all this time I had gotten so used to talking.  I would talk to my husband’s doctors.  I would talk to the nurses.  I would talk to friends and family members.  I would talk to the officers who worked with my husband.  Everyone wanted to know how he was doing. There were all kinds of decisions to be made and I would talk to all those people too. There were all kinds of things to remember.  I was in charge, not only of the household, but someone’s life.  All the care my husband needed depended on the decisions that I made then and still do now.   However, when I would leave the hospital and go home, it was usually late at night and very quiet.  I would almost be on auto pilot.  But it was the best time in the world.  It still is today.  For an hour or so before I would fall asleep, I would have a moment to catch my breath.  No one to talk to, no one to bathe, feed, get dressed, undressed or deal with.  No decisions to be made.  Just me and peace and quiet.  Shed the clothes, hop into bed and just take a moment to reflect.  Sometimes I’d imagine it was all a dream and someone would pinch me and I would wake up.  Sometimes I would just let my mind go blank and stare off into space.  Other times I would think about how I would ever be able to bring my husband home.  Sometimes I would just cry and get it out of my system.  I hatched many an idea during this period of time.  No one to bother me, no interruptions, just a single moment in time.  Sweet!   And then I would just fall asleep, a deep, dreamless sleep from pure exhaustion.  Lo and behold, the next day would be here and the entire cycle would begin again.