Kudos to My Kids!

I have been blogging about my husband's crash from the day that it happened through his long hospital stay.  His crash occurred five years ago.  So much has changed since that fateful day.  But I would like to flash forward to present day today, for a moment and share some good news about our family. 

My husband's crash affected all of us in many different ways.  My son, Mike, had recently graduated from college and was living in Arizona attending ASU working on his master's degree.  When this transpired he decided to come back home.  Two years later he married his college sweetheart and returned to ASU.  He just completed his Master of Science Degree and was accepted at Indianapolis-Purdue University.  He is now going to pursue a law degree.  Congratulations Mike!

My son, Mark, was just graduating from Columbia College in Chicago (one week before my husband was released from the hospital) with a BA in photography.  For the past five years he has been the coordinator of the photography department at Waubansee Community College.  

My daughter Katie, was a junior in high school when her father suffered this devastating accident.  Being the youngest, his crash probably affected her the most.  However, she being most like her father, persevered and on Saturday will be graduating from Elmhurst College with a BA in Speech and Language Pathology.  She just received a letter that she has been accepted into the graduate program for Communication and Sciences Disorders at St. Xavier University.  Congratulations Katie!

Three extraordinary kids, strong in their convictions, despite all that has happened, have done us proud!  We couldn't be more pleased and happy.  Kudos to all of you!

More Reflections...continued

2-17-06
Tim,
You have to get better soon.  How am I supposed to learn these damn tunes on my own.  My wife is getting sick of hearing the first two bars of "St.Patrick's Day", since that is all I can play.  I hope to see  you soon.  C.D.

Tim,
Hoping you get a speedy recovery.  Your a strong and healthy guy and I know you will get through this.  Besides your stubborn Irish temper will get you through anything.  See you soon. C.C.

Tim,
You know it takes a lot to get a fellow Irishman into a hospital.  I think you went a little overboard here to get out of your quarterly evaluation.  Get well soon and come back and join us on midnights.  There aren't many of us missentropes left!  L.S

Tim,
The most important thing I want to convey is how much you mean to so many people.  I sit here and watch people from all walks of life whose life you have touched and come to visit and offer comfort.  My family and I are praying for you constantly and hoping for a 100% recovery.  Your courage and strength are an inspiration to all of us.  I believe your physical condition and will to survive will serve you well as you continue to improve and make a full recovery.  You are missed on midnights and I (we) are looking forward to seeing you again.  Wishing you the very best and with warmest regards.  P.S. My wife still remembers my promotion party and how much fun she had drinking with us.  The headlock and "nuggies" you gave me were the highlight of her evening (mine as well)!  She and her family extend their best wishes and they are praying for a full recovery.  G.G.

Tim,
When you read this you'll figure out that I can write now!  Tim, yes this is the guy you trained.  Well you survived one hell of a wreck, so your expertise paid off.  You and your family will be in my prayers.  J.R.

Tim,
T.G. here.  I don't know if you remember me or not.  I've been on day shift this past year.  You probably wouldn't recognize me either.  I have a tan now and I put on a few pounds.  I miss the midnight shift, but I think you would be better served if you came to the day shift with me...it's safer!  I wish you a speedy recovery.  I know you will be back soon.  The AHPD won't be the same until you come back.  I'll continue to pray for you and visit every day until you're out of here.  God Bless - T.G.

Tim,
Yesterday after day shift, a few of us caravaned out to LGH.  We didn't mind, but thought it would have been better if we kidnapped you and forced you down to Wrigley Field to see you favorite Cub team.  (ha ha ha - to a White Sox fan.)  All of your family are holding up remarkable well including your daughter.
I am back again, day two, and you are stable...and yourself - stubborn and fighting.  It's unfortunate that it takes a horrible incident to bring family and friends so close.  There is a constant stream of family and friends visiting and calling.  I can hear your voice saying, "What? It's not a big deal!"  Your're blessed to spend time with them.  In fact, your brother said, "The healing starts when the check clears!"  We're praying for a full and fast recovery.  I'll see you walking and grumbling soon!  S.H.

Hey Tim,
A short story about concern for you.  Last night, the kids were both working. So our grandkids were staying at our house.  My wife was laying in bed with both of the boys, when one asked, "How's papa doing?"  She told him that I was doing good but was kind of tired because of spending so much time at the hospital.  At this point, my other grandson interrupted saying, "Nani, get to the important stuff.  How's uncle Tim doin?"  So you rate high.
Also, I want to let you know that there have been so many of your guys from AHPD here.  All day and all night!  They have been great.  We've also had guys from MPPD, DPPD, PRPD and CPD here offering prayers, help, food, etc.
We were also talking about how you'd be pissed that everyone was making a big deal over you.  But just accept and heal thyself.
You are going to have to remind me to tell you about your hand signals.  We figured out what you were telling us the first night at the hospital, "I love ya man! - So what's the big deal!"
Your younger and better looking brother, T.S.

Tim,
I have been talking to your son and it scares me to think about how smart he is.  I hope you wake up soon so we know you are going to be OK.  We have been talking about one of your offender sketches and how that guy is doing 8 years.  You son and I discussed how hard it is to drive when you are in the passenger seat!  My brother has been calling to check on your progress.  He is praying for you.  We have you and your family in our thoughts and prayers for your quick and total recovery.  You are too tough to have this slow you down for long.  M.B.

More excerpts tomorrow!

More Reflections…

With plans in motion for bringing my husband home soon, my head was whirling.  So much has transpired.  We were just an ordinary family in the neighborhood.  Now, I was making plans to redo my house to be able to accommodate a handicapped individual.  However, with my mind going a mile a minute, I had a moment to sit back and reflect back to the day of the accident.  A day did not go by without someone inquiring about my husband.  The men and women who worked with him were the most supportive group anyone could ever imagine.  They were truly a caring group and this crash happening to my husband affected them all.  The day my husband was taken to the hospital, this group of coworkers decided to start a book that anyone interested in, could write something to my husband expressing their thoughts and to let him know they were there for him.   I happened to pull out this book again and was re-reading their words.  I would like to share them with you now.  There are many, so I will post several over the next few days.

Forward…2-16-06

Hey Tim,

I was sitting here today with your family, friends and coppers from all over in a constant stream of visitors and phone calls.  It was amazing, the foot traffic never stopped.  At one point I counted 28 people here in the waiting room.  Everyone here was sharing stories and experiences we all have had with you.  We were laughing and crying (crying from laughing so hard!)  We did some praying too.  I was thinking about the many times we were together, both sober and well, maybe a little out of it! (i.e. New Orleans)  We always relied on each other to tell the other what happened the next day, ya know, when we were feeling a little better.

So, I was talking to one of the guys here and we thought, Timmy would want to know who was here and what they might have to say.  We were thinking a crime scene log might work just to keep attendance.  Instead we thought we would spend 99 cents on some notebook paper and start this book or log or diary, whatever you want to call it, in case anyone might want to say hello.  Also, so that you would know what went on around here while you were sleeping.

As I write this and reflect, I’ll be honest, it was tough when I got the phone call, because you mean so much to me.  Yeah, I’ll admit I cried a little (but it was only because I had something in my eye at the time.)  Then I started thinking what a tough, stubborn, opinionated Irishman you are and knew you would fight through this healing process and get back to work with us!

So that you would know, we love you man!  We “gotch ur back!”  I am “outta” words for now.

Get well soon!  M.K.

2-17-06

Tim,

Right now a bunch of us from midnights are sitting in the waiting room with your family talking about you, of course, which I’m sure you would love to know!  We miss you on midnights.  Now the shift is too young, less calm, cool, grumpy etc.!  You are in all of our thoughts.  Get well soon, so I can talk and joke with you again soon!  M.L.

Tim,

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.  My family is also keeping you in their prayers.  I know that being the tough Irishman that you are, you will make a full and speedy recovery.  Myself and the whole midnight shift will miss you, but we will keep your beat warm for you.  I will be here for you and your family every step of the way!  J.C.

Tim,

First of all we had plans to go to Dick’s today and you screwed that up!  No offense, but the sooner you get well, the less I will have to go by myself.  It’s not that I mind going by myself, it’s the expense I mind.  At least when I’m with you, somebody will pick up the tab! Ha ha ha!

As a matter of fact, now that I think about it, when we were there last, my wife took real good care of us!  I haven’t had service like that since, which makes me kinda wonder if, and maybe this is the wrong time to bring this up, she used my thirst to meet you!  Either way, I’m OK with it, because at least I get a round!  It’s a simple life, but you are essential to the equation.  Get well real quick!  Senior patrolman K.

Tim,

A bunch of us are sitting here throwing jabs at each other and I keep thinking “Tim would be whacking us hard right now with his one-liners.”  I gotta say, I can’t wait to hear them again.  My family and friends are all praying for you to have a speedy and successful recovery.  If the amount of people that are coming to visit will in any way indicate the rate of your recovery, you’ll be well in no time!  N.C.

To be continued.....

Thoughts of Coming Home

As it was getting closer to being able to come home from the hospital, all kinds of new issues were cropping up.  His therapists were working hard helping him to be able to stand and transfer, walk a few steps with a walker, be able to use the bathroom again, shower and get in and out of bed.  Speech therapists got him past the aphasia stage and were giving him simple 2 step tasks to try and accomplish.  He was still trying to get his pain under control.  The ulcer on the back of his ankle was still a problem that needed constant attention from the wound specialists.  His appetite was picking up so they were able to remove the feeding tube. He still had problems with blood clots in his leg which he was taking medication for.  But he was showing signs of improvement all around, which meant that he would be able to eventually leave the hospital setting.  However, he would still need to continue with physical, occupational and speech therapy on an outpatient basis. 

For me, my husband coming home posed many more problems.  Our house was not set up for someone who was now handicapped.  The front and back of the house had steps, which he could not do yet and our bedrooms were upstairs.  The stairs going up to the bedrooms were carpeted and steep and even if we could get him up there, his wheelchair would not fit through the doorways.  He could do a few steps, but was pretty much dependent on his wheelchair. We did have a bathroom and shower on the first floor, but it was not handicapped accessible, a wheel chair could not fit through the doorway here either.  So as the therapists were getting him ready to come home, I was trying to figure out how I was going to get him home and ready our house for it.  Pretty difficult when I was still spending every day at the hospital and had not been to back to work for the last 3 months.  A lot was laying on my mind at this point in time.

However, we thankfully have a group of wonderful friends and coworkers who came to our rescue.  Their generosity simply overwhelms me to this day.  One of the first steps to bringing him home was to be able to get him into the house.  Almost overnight, these wonderful people built us a ramp alongside of the house and connected it to a deck at the back door.  Years ago we had pulled out the carpeting on the first floor and installed hardwood floors, so we were ahead of the game here.  The next dilemma was, where was he going to sleep?  I agonized over this for quite some time.  I remember talking to the social worker at the hospital about this.  She looked at me, patted my shoulder and said, “Don’t worry about this, remember, this is only a temporary thing.”  I thought, “Is she drunk?  Does she know who my husband is and has she seen him lately?”  I’ll never forget those words.  Anyone of his therapists who had been working with him would have laughed at her words.  I knew better and started to hatch a plan that had been on my mind way before my husband was ever moved to the rehab unit. 

We have a one car garage attached to our house that we have never been able to put a car in.  I thought, I bet we could turn it into a bedroom.  It would eliminate the risks of the stairs and the issue of where he would sleep. My family thought this was a good idea.  I then talked to our friend who had connections to the building community to see if this could be done and the cost. My in-laws thought it would be a good idea to put a handicapped accessible bathroom into the room.  I was looking at the cost of just a simple room, but I’m glad that they convinced me to include it. 

So with this idea in mind and an accessible entrance in place, things were looking up.  Bringing my husband home was not as troubling as I previously thought.  

The Walking Wounded

My husband had been the hospital for nearly 3 months now.  He had gone from as close to dead as possible to the bionic man suffering the effects of a traumatic brain injury.  People with traumatic brain injury appear normal, look good, but they are not.  My daughter tells me that they refer to people like this as the “Walking Wounded.”  It is a difficult thing for family and friends to understand and many do not.  TBI people have a difficult time with too many people talking at once, concentration, over stimulation from the TV or radio, light bothers them, memory fails, speech is sometimes difficult as words don't seem to form right, decision making is challenging and frustration becomes the worst part.  It’s just all going on in their brain and they do not know how to express this.  Instead it can come out with yelling, hitting, throwing things or inappropriate behavior.  Much different from the “storming” that occurs just after coming out of a coma.  Their brain is just on overload and suddenly it short circuits.  There is no rhyme or reason to it, it just happens.  

My husband was fortunate enough to not have some of the worse forms of this as the nurses and therapists warned me could happen.  (Another patient on the unit punched an aide in the face.) But he did experience some of it and still does to this day.  Although at the time he was still recovering in the hospital, he had very little control over it.  Nowadays when it happens, which is very infrequent, he can seem to gain quicker control of himself. 

It is scary when it happens as it comes out of nowhere.  The first time it occurred, he was still in the hospital.  He had a very difficult day.  All kinds of new things were being thrown at him.  The therapists were getting him prepared to eventually be discharged from the hospital.  I of course was there all day with him as usual.  I had just gotten him ready and into bed.  I was putting away a few things and had left his room for a moment.  When I returned, I said something to him and he looked at me and just exploded screaming at me.  I had no idea why.  His nurse and several of the aides came running into his room.  My husband kept screaming at me to get out of his room and never come back.  I left quickly and stood out in the hall, visibly shaken and in tears.  What seemed like an eternity was actually over in a few minutes.  The nursing staff were just great to me and my husband’s aide was wonderful with him.  He was fine, but the next day his psychologist came in to talk to both of us.  She explained what had taken place and how to deal with it should it occur again in the future.  It did, another time in the hospital and several times after he got home.  It still scares the wits out of me, but I know why it happens and what to do and I am now better prepared than the first time.  I also noticed that after an incident, he gains a new stride in something, whether it is in his memory or speech or suddenly his gait becomes better.  The brain is simply a working mystery!

And time continues on...

Well at this point in time what more do I have to say.  My husband has been in the hospital for more than 2 months.  I had a son in grad school, one in college and my daughter, a junior in high school still at home with me.  I had a household to care for, a job on hold, bills piling up and still going to the hospital every day, from sun up to sun down.  I couldn’t help worrying about what would happen next. However, I couldn’t help hearing what my husband prior to the accident would say, quit your whining and do what you have to do.  So I did.  I sorted the different worries in my brain and tried to take care of each one to the best of my ability.  Each worry suffered a bit as my main priority was still my husband.

He was at the point of having physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy daily.  He was relearning many things that we all take for granted.  It was grueling at times.  He would work day in and day out and I would pay close attention to what they were teaching him, knowing that he would be coming home soon and I had to be able to care for him.  The more I could learn the better and easier it would be.  Two peas in a pod we were!

Some days he could not participate because he was in such great pain.  Pain I couldn’t even imagine he was feeling.  Often they would ask him on a scale of 1 to 10 how was his pain.  He could not verbalize because he did not understand what they were asking.  So with the help of his therapists, we developed a picture chart so he could point to how he was feeling.  It usually was not good.  The doctors decided to bring in pain specialists to help him.  They first had to determine what kind of pain he was having and where it was.  My husband had so many broken bones from his head to his toes.  Another problem he had was nerve damage.  He also had heterotrophic ossifications in his hip, which is bone growing in muscle and can also be very painful.  The pain doctors concocted a group of medications to take to help take the edge off but also allow him to function, which was also part of the problem.  You can take medication to ward off pain, but then it makes you dopey.  When he got dopey, he could not participate in therapy because all he wanted to do was sleep.  I recall many a meeting with these doctors, then all his therapists and nurses from his unit, all trying to find a solution.  We did for a while.  It was good enough to get him through the day and help him sleep at night.

He was also suffering a lot of frustration.  His words would get jumbled up at times and we were expected to know what he wanted.  The poor man was expected to perform every day, get his thoughts together, handle pain, try to recognize people and then in accordance with his nursing unit, it was announced that he now was expected to take a shower every other day!  I thought holy cow, this is going to be good.  Of course they sent in the tiniest nurse possible to go with him to shower.  Mind you now, he could not yet sit up at a 90 degree angle.  So they devised a way to put him in a shower gurney, prop his leg which he could not bend, angle him at specific degree and get him into the shower.  I thought, good luck, when they took him away.  By golly they were able to shower him, but the poor nurse came back and reported that they both were now showered and clean.  They were not as anxious to repeat this as often as originally stated.  Even when he was finally able to sit in a shower chair, it was very difficult.  Again, we seemed to put a glitch in the fine-tuned rehab unit.  What was the usual; my husband seemed to continue to deviate from it.  He was really giving them a run for their money!

50 First Dates

Have you ever seen the movie, 50 First Dates?  It is about a man who meets and falls in love with a girl.  They hit it off and he thinks that he has found the girl of his dreams, until he discovers she has short-term memory loss and forgets him the very next day.  I used to think, how could anyone ever live this way.  It must be so difficult for this person to love someone who cannot remember much from day to day.  You would have to have such patience, and repeat, repeat, repeat.  It’s just a movie isn’t it?

Welcome to my world.  The earlier parts of my husband’s stay on the rehab unit had an uncanny resemblance to this movie.  With the exception of being set in Hawaii.  (Don’t I wish!)  When anyone would ask how he was doing, I would refer to this movie.  Did you ever see 50 First Dates? 

Now this movie is a bit of a stretch.  There are much more serious movies out there dealing with the same issues.  But this movie had a likeable cuteness to it.  Of course, it’s an Adam Sandler movie, so it had lots of silliness, but it was the patience and caring that really got to me.  How this man could devote so much time to this girl.  Such perseverance and he knew she would forget it all the next day. For a moment, my life paralleled this movie.  The only difference is my husband did get better.  He eventually did remember me and our family.  But I now could see what I could not fathom when I first saw this movie.  Somehow you become blind to outward appearances, speech problems, memory loss and just see what’s inside.  It’s not a job or a chore. You don’t do it for fame or glory. You remember the good person they are and it makes you want to help them.   It’s all about love, pure and simple.